The Curse of the Mary-Sue
by SalutationsToYou
Summary: "HSM - The opposite of the MSH." Unfortunately (for you), this is not a sappy romance story. Involves Mary-Sue blasting, an OC, and mainly non-High School Musical-related content. Rated T for a bloody coconut.


The Curse of the Mary-Sue

The night sky was beautiful, but nothing could be more beautiful to Troy than Gabriella. The duo sat by the sea, enjoying their time together as the frothy waves lapped at their feet. The cool sea breeze blew in, messing up Gabriella's hair. Casually, she flipped it back. Troy gasped, enchanted by her beauty.

_Meanwhile._

It was Fiona's twenty-seventh day at the MSH Headquarters, which meant that her training was over (about time it ended) and she would officially be starting work today.

To put it nicely, the job that suited her best was calibrating the Teleport Machine. In other words, she wasn't good enough for any other job, since she could only use her powers every 3.14 months, and an _actual_ Hunter would need those powers every day. And it just so happened that the post was vacant, after the previous Mary-Sue Hunter had been transferred to the Department of Torture.

The Teleport Machine, a large, cylindrical capsule with an even larger control panel outside it, was highly important (or so Fiona had been told), so a Manual of Operations had been written and printed to advise Mary-Sue Hunters on how to use it. Unfortunately, it must have been lost, because Fiona couldn't find it anywhere, or perhaps she was just too lazy to look. Either way, she decided to use the Trial-and-Error method, the five-hundredth and forty-second method in the Mary-Sue Handbook, to figure out how to use it.

According to her analysis, the best way to proceed with the method was to find out what each switch and button could do. Simply put, it was to press the buttons and flip the switches at random.

Fiona had just started her investigations when the alarms began blaring. At first she thought that she must have set them off accidentally and was rather proud of herself, but soon there was an announcement.

"Attention! Red-code alert! Number five hundred and fifty-nine, please proceed to Meeting Room 11 immediately. I repeat..."

"Red-code alert? What's that?" Fiona wondered aloud.

_When in doubt, consult the Mary-Sue Handbook!_

Fiona pulled out the Mary-Sue Handbook from her pocket (as to whether she had really large pockets, or the handbook was really small, I have no idea) and flipped to the section on Codes.

_Red-Code Alert (RCA)_

_An RCA is set off when all the toilets have been completely occupied. _

"That's interesting. I suppose I don't have to do anything?" Fiona mumbled and stuffed the book back into her pocket, before continuing her investigations.

"How can a toilet be 'completely' occupied anyway? You mean there's such a thing as a half-occupied toilet?"

Suddenly, a fellow MSH popped out from nowhere. Yes, she really materialised out of thin air. It was a cool special ability to have, Fiona thought, but nothing could be cooler than _pi _powers.

"Quick, I need to teleport to Dimension Code 79 before the Mary-Sue escapes!" the MSH, presumably number five hundred and fifty-nine (that's what her nametag said), demanded. From her huge silver badge and her pink uniform, Fiona guessed that she was probably a Rank Six or Seven.

"Yes Ma'am!" Fiona replied with a salute, and proceeded to calibrating the Teleport Machine, or rather, figuring out how to do so.

The MSH tapped her foot on the ground impatiently, as Fiona fumbled with all the switches and buttons. But Fiona had a way with numbers, so she somehow managed to calibrate it using the Fundamental Theorem for integrals of derivatives and some other miscellaneous formulas, and of course the value of _pi_.

"The machine is ready for teleportation to Dimension Code 79. You may begin any moment now," the Teleport Machine said.

The only problem was finding a way to get into the machine. No matter what formulas she entered, the machine refused to open its doors.

Desperately, Fiona tried prying open the doors. Sweat trickled down her forehead; the Rank Seven would probably blast her with that nasty-looking gun she was holding if she had to wait any longer. And the Mary-Sue would escape if the Rank Seven couldn't reach Dimension Code 79 in time!

Finally, Fiona gave up. If that wasn't going to work, she would blast the doors open with her magic. Steadying herself, Fiona closed her eyes and began chanting _pi_.

"Reverse UHU Magic, activate!" dramatically spreading out her arms, Fiona waited for the spell to take effect.

It did. But unfortunately, it didn't work the way Fiona wanted it to. Instead of opening the doors for the Rank Seven, the spell caused Fiona to turn into a pink lump of UHU glue (hold on, since when was UHU pink?), which squeezed itself into the machine.

"By the Mary-Sue that killed my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-gr eat-great grandmother! Damn it!" Fiona cursed, but no words came out because she was just a blob of glue.

The Teleport Machine started vibrating violently.

"Preparing for teleportation. Please remain in your seat."

Fiona had absolutely no control over her powers, or the lump of glue she had been turned into. All she could do was to remain stuck to the wall and hope Dimension Code 79 was not a dangerous one.

_ Dimension Code 79_

"To me, you're the most beautiful princess. I want you to have this," Troy said, holding out a glass slipper. "Gabriella, will you marry me?"

"Oh Troy, I... I don't know what to say," Gabriella gushed, giggling. She delicately extended her foot for Troy to put the slipper on.

The slipper-ritual was complete. Gabriella fluttered her eyelashes dramatically, before giving the long-awaited reply, "Of course, I will, Troy, of course!"

The two stared into each other's eyes silently. The atmosphere was perfect for a kiss. Wrapping her arms around Troy's neck, Gabriella slowly pulled him closer. The two closed their eyes, appreciating the romantic moment...

Gabriella felt something soft, wet and sticky on her lips. Troy's lips were not as perfect as she'd thought, but she'd have to make do.

"Uh, Gabriella," Troy's melodious voice broke the silence. "Gabriella?"

Frustrated, Gabriella opened her eyes.

"What is it?" she snapped.

"Uh... I think you should spit out your bubblegum first," Troy replied awkwardly.

Gabriella felt the sticky thing drop off her mouth. Looking down, she realised it was a lump of pink glue, and that it tasted terrible in her mouth.

Suddenly, the lump began to take shape. Before Gabriella and Troy could figure out what was going on, the lump had transformed into a girl.

"Who are you and what do you want with my girlfriend?" Troy demanded, protectively shielding Gabriella.

"So this is Dimension Code 79, I suppose," Fiona said, coming to her senses. Instinctively, she pulled out her lint roller and "scanned" Gabriella.

"Long flowing dress... check. Impossibly perfect hair... check. Overprotective so-called 'boyfriend'..." Fiona looked up from her checklist at Troy. Well, she did have to admit, he was good-looking. And he had nice muscles...

_Damn it. Could it be?_

She tried, but Fiona couldn't stop herself from staring at Troy. No doubt about it, he was a Gary-Stu. And she was falling under his charm.

_The Curse of The Mary-Sue. A Gray-Stu. _

It took all of Fiona's willpower for her to not throw herself at Troy, even then, she found herself trying to count and see whether he had a six-pack or not. Remembering that a Mary-Sue still stood alive, before her, Fiona came to herself. Right. She was a Mary-Sue Hunter. And what do Mary-Sue Hunters do? They kick Mary-Sue ass! No, not their pet donkeys. Their butts.

Fiona picked up the nearest object that could potentially cause harm. _A coconut. _According to Sector 1569, page 7821 of the Mary-Sue handbook, coconuts were highly dangerous weapons. Positioning herself for battle, she leaped forward, and with a mighty battle cry, she smashed the coconut onto Gabriella's head.

Well, at least she tried to. Gabriella, being an agile Mary-Sue, managed to dodge the coconut smash. Fiona missed, and fell face forward onto the sand.

"Oh, are you okay? I'm so sorry!" Gabriella, being a kind Mary-Sue, rushed forth to help Fiona up.

"Gabriella, be careful! I think she escaped from the asylum!" Troy yelled while keeping his distance, and therefore not being very helpful.

Fiona spat at Gabriella disgustedly.

"Your kind is a disgrace to the human race! In the name of _pi_, I shall eliminate you!"

Fiona picked up the coconut and threw it at Gabriella. But she missed very pathetically. _There's no way I'm going to beat her in terms of skill, especially since I can't use my magic..._

"Troy, call the ambulance! This girl needs help!"

An idea came to Fiona's mind. Putting on her best act (which was not exactly good), Fiona spun around and collapsed on the ground.

"Oh no! That poor thing has fainted!" Gabriella cried. As any kind, helpful Mary-Sue would have done, she gently lifted Fiona's head and rested it on her lap. Then, Gabriella (miraculously) pulled out a bottle of water and poured it on Fiona's face. It took all of Fiona's willpower not to flinch. The Mary-Sue was evidently very distraught by the poor stranger fainting, and desperately fanned her face.

"Gabriella, be careful!" Troy warned again, without offering any help.

Fiona lay still as best as she could, which was very difficult because the thought of lying in a Mary-Sue's lap alone was disgusting enough to make her throw up. But she did so till the Mary-Sue seemed thoroughly exasperated. Then, as quick as lightning (or so she thought), Fiona sprang up from her resting position, picked up the coconut, and attempted to smash the Mary-Sue's head again.

Of course, she failed miserably.

Gabriella was shocked, but she quickly recovered, insisting that Fiona had to receive medical treatment immediately.

_This won't work. There must be something. _

Then it dawned upon her.

The only way to beat a Mary-Sue - was through practicality. Mary-Sues are impractical. How is it even possible for a person without flaws to exist? The thought triggered a whole long string of questions in Fiona's mind.

_First, those glass slippers - it's impossible to walk on the beach in heels, much less glass slippers that can break under the weight of a grown person. Yes, that disgusting creature is "slim", but those thin, elegant slippers would shatter to smithereens._ As soon as Fiona thought this, cracks began to appear on the glass. The Mary-Sue, being a Mary-Sue, somehow managed to sense that there was something wrong and removed her footwear, just before they gave way and shattered.

"Gabriella, be careful! You may get cut!"

Unfortunately, the Mary-Sue did not get cut. Touched by Troy's display of concern, she skipped over the glass, and pranced over to Troy, before planting a kiss on his forehead.

Fiona flinched.

The two shared a romantic moment of staring into each other's eyes. Then Troy turned to Fiona.

"How dare you witch hurt my precious darling? Go back to where you came from!"

"Well, I would much like to do so, thank you very much. However, according to Section 56, paragraph 28, page 243 of the Mary-Sue Handbook, killing a Mary-Sue on sight is one of the most important duties of a Mary-Sue hunter, so until my job is done, I am much obliged to stay" Fiona replied promptly.

Ignoring the utterly confused look on Troy's face, Fiona continued picking out the impracticalities of a Mary-Sue. _Second, it's at night. Due to the fact that the sea cools down slower at night, the sea's temperature will be higher than that of the land. This means that the region of air above the sea will be of higher pressure than that of the land. As a result, the air above the sea moves towards the land, creating a _warm_ sea breeze. It's not possible (according to my Geography teacher) for there to be a _cool_ breeze at night. _

Instantly, the cool breeze stopped blowing in form the sea, and all three felt a gust of warm, humid wind. Gabriella casually flipped her hair (again) to try to cool herself down. Troy's eyes widened. Starstruck, (is this even the correct word?) Troy breathlessly told Gabriella how beautiful she was.

_Lastly, and most importantly, a perfect person shouldn't even exist! _Fiona closed her eyes, waiting for the Mary-Sue to vanish. Unfortunately, for a non-Mary-Sue like Fiona, things just don't always turn out the way you want them too. So, when Fiona opened her eyes, the Mary-Sue was still standing there perfectly unharmed. In fact, she was just enjoying a kiss with her beloved Troy.

Fiona began to despair. _Now what? I can't use magic; I can't outwit her, then tell me, what should I do? But no, I must not give up! The Mary-Sue handbook states that Mary-Sues should be killed at all costs! _

Fiona decided to try one last attempt. Mustering up all her strength, she lunged forward with the coconut, took the Mary-Sue by surprise, and...

At last, victory! Gabriella lay motionless on the ground; her final resting position was perfect, with her legs arranged elegantly and her hair spread out in the most beautiful manner. Even the blood streaks down her face complemented her looks perfectly. Fiona spat and dusted her hands, preparing to leave.

"Gabriella! Gabriella, don't leave me! Without you, my world is but nothingness," Troy cried in agony, cradling Gabriella in his arms. Suddenly, Fiona felt her heart plunge, and she longed to go over to Troy and comfort him in Gabriella's place.

Then she realised, there was something in her pocket. Fiona pulled it out, and read the wordings on the round tablet no larger than her thumb. "Revival Pill", the words said. According to Section 42, paragraph 11, page 190 of the Mary-Sue Handbook, the Revival Pill could bring dead people back to life.

Fiona had no idea just where it came from, but since she was wearing a second-hand uniform, it was likely it had belonged to the previous owner of the uniform.

A terrible, tempting thought came to Fiona. If, just if, she gave the Pill to Gabriella and revived her, would Troy be happier? The more she allowed the thought to occupy her mind, the more tempting it became.

"Why... why do you do this to me? Tell me, you evil creature," Troy pleaded, his eyes filled with tears. _Those eyes, so beautifully blue and innocent, so full of love... _Finally Fiona could resist it no longer. Going against all her Mary-Sue standards, she knelt down and pried open Gabriella's mouth, then slipped the Pill in.

As soon as she had done it, Fiona regretted her actions. The Pill started taking effect almost instantly, and the colour was beginning to return to Gabriella's cheeks. Troy was elated, and he started shaking Gabriella by the shoulders, attempting to rouse her.

_What have I done?_

Guilt and regret washed over Fiona. How could she? How could she just forget all these years of teachings? What kind of Mary-Sue Hunter would kill a Mary-Sue and revive her? She didn't deserve to be a Mary-Sue Hunter any longer!

Then Fiona returned to her senses. _No, I must kill her again._ She looked around for the coconut, but it was too late. Gabriella had come back to life and was in the process of hugging a very happy Troy.

_Damn it! _Fiona was about to pick up the coconut again, when a humanoid creature fell out from the sky.

Fiona was never as happy as this so see one of her fellow colleagues. The Rank Seven whom she had met earlier was now right in front of her, recovering from her fall.

"Now, where is the bloody creature?" the Rank Seven demanded. (In this case, the Mary-Sue was bloody, so what the Rank Seven said should not be counted as swearing.) Fiona hurriedly pointed at where Troy and Gabriella were hugging.

The Rank Seven seemed to hesitate at the sight of Troy, but before their eyes could meet, she turned away and pulled out the same gun she was holding earlier on.

Fiona was right. The gun really was very nasty. Fortunately, it did not leave any incriminating bloodstains, unlike the coconut. All that remained of Gabriella and Troy were a pile of ashes, which would likely be dismissed as barbecue ashes by any passers-by.

Fiona felt a great deal of sadness at Troy's demise. She quickly scolded herself and returned to the normal Fiona. Just then, the Rank Seven turned, and Fiona saw tears in her eyes. Even a veteran like her could not help but feel that attraction to a Gary-Stu, and that sadness when one is killed.

_No Hunter can resist the Curse of a Mary-Sue. Not I, not even the Rank Seven. _

_For the Curse of the Mary-Sue is a Gary-Stu. _


End file.
